Relationships can be confusing. You finally find someone you like enough to spend the rest of your life with and you spend a lot of time together, but there are times when you just want to stay on your own, just read a book or take a stroll by yourself.
These are times when a person just wants to feel like an individual and not two persons in one, as it is in a relationship. The need for space is very vital in relationships.
Space is necessary for any relationship to work out well, but the trick is to find the right balance between space or spending time on your own, and spending time together as they are both very important in a relationship.
Finding that balance is not very easy, especially when the relationship is just starting out. But as time goes on and with understanding from both parties, it is achievable. This is something that all couples need to learn, because people do not have the same need for togetherness.
Just like when Chinedu was going out with Joy. Both of them were young, ambitious adults residing in the city of Lagos. Chinedu was a businessman, while Joy was an accounting executive. They met at a mutual friend’s birthday party and liked each other immediately. Slowly, a relationship blossomed.
Chinedu was the gregarious type, always wanting to go out with friends and have fun, but Joy definition of fun was to stay at home and watch a movie or just read a book.
But because Chinedu was more flexible with his time than Joy, he soon began to complain that Joy did not spend as much time with him as she should. Joy tried explaining, on several occasions, that her job did not allow her as much free hours as his business allowed him, and she was not ready to lose her job either.
Joy lamented to her friends that Chinedu was trying to “choke” her with his love and that she hardly found time to do stuff for herself or with her friends. Each time she tried to explain things to Chinedu, it always ended up in an argument.
As time went on, Joy began to drift away from Chinedu, in an effort to find “herself”, while he became clingy, harbouring feelings of neglect. Soon enough, they both went their separate ways.
Chinedu felt taken for granted and Joy felt as though she just left a state prison. Sometimes, we forget that not taking care of the little things will badly affect the bigger things.
Why we all need space in a relationship:
• To keep the relationship fresh, you need to experience things separately before coming to experience them together. That way, you both have something new to share when you both come together.
• Both parties need space so as not to put anyone under undue pressure. It would not be nice to hear your loved one say something like “I need my space”. Even when your partner says those words, they are not a sign of rejection, but just a way to let you know that they would like some time to themselves.
Certain people who are independent-minded are more likely to spend time alone. They also bring that independence to their relationships and it takes time for them to adjust to the fact that they have to share most of their time with someone else.
When they are in a relationship with someone who is more likely to need more attention, they may struggle at first. People sometimes want to experience their own individuality and not feel that they have “dissolved” into the other person.
Thus it requires each person to be adept at the art of balancing, or else, it may lead to one person becoming uncaring while the other person becomes clingy in love. Spending time with each other is a good thing. In fact, it is compulsory.
But too much of a good thing is bad. When both of you are “always” together, it becomes hard to learn new things or even each other. Long relationships like marriage can become boring over the years as there is the likelihood of becoming stagnated and the relationship loses its freshness. So, it is important to spare a few hours or a day away from each other to allow newness in the relationship.
Hold it! Giving too much space is just as bad. Too much space can lead to disconnection between the two parties. In having your own space, it is important to avoid things that can destroy the relationship, such as: coming home late often, forgetting important dates and ignoring your partners plea to spend more time together.
Too much space will make each person trying to fill his/her life with other activities and thus shutting out the other person. Soon, one party begins to give attention to other members of the opposite sex and the relationship deteriorates.
Rather, focus on creating time for yourself even within your relationship and try to improve on your personality. Learn new things, discover new places, then go share it with your loved one. Learn to find happiness within you, because ultimately you are responsible for finding your own happiness.