WE HAVE been married for four years and we have a beautiful baby boy. I have made the most awful mistake and I honestly don’t know how to make things right again.
I had sex with a man I work with, afterwards I confessed to my husband. We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened
Please believe me when I say that I love my husband with all my heart. I attended a company function a few months ago, got drunk and had sex with a man I work with. I think my drink was spiked, but I have no proof.
When I realised the next day what I had done, I was devastated. I thought long and hard and decided that the only way I would be able to live with this is if I told my husband.
He was angry, hurt and so disappointed. He left me for a month and when he came back, he said he wanted to try and make the marriage work because he still loved me and wanted the best for our child.
We never spoke about what had happened, which has proved to be unbelievably difficult. We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened. He is suspicious of me all the time. He wants to know where I am, what time I will be home and who I am with.
I have assured him that nothing like that would ever happen again. Though I understand how he must feel, it is really starting to wear me down.
Sometimes when he looks at me I feel as if he hates me. He also will not touch me. What can I do to reassure him that I love him and our child more than anything in the world? Will we ever get over this? – Sad Wife, Randburg
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:
When you say you know how he must feel – believe me you don’t.
Until something like this actually happens to you, you will never know how he feels, so don’t expect him to get over this any time soon. Don’t assume how he feels, but try and ask him to tell you how he feels and what he is going through. This will help with the healing process.
You are fortunate that he has come back and wants to save the marriage. I know I sound harsh, but these are the facts.
While I understand that you might also be a victim because you believe your drink might have been spiked, it doesn’t make it any easier for him to come to terms with what happened.
It is not as easy as telling him to trust you when you have broken his heart. The words mean nothing unless they are followed up with actions. If this means that you have to report your every move to him and give up on some of your privacy, then do it.