Sex in marriage is sweet and it has been described as an integral part of marriage that cannot be overemphasised. In fact, to some, sex is like food that must be served almost everyday. Even though marriage allows couples to have sex as they please, a new research has revealed that many couples are not sexually satisfied in the bedroom due to many reasons.
Therefore, in case you are feeling dissatisfied with your sex life, even though married, rest assured you are not alone.
A spokesperson for Vouchercloud, who commissioned the research, said, “With so many of us living such busy lives, sex often is not a priority and can easily become another task on a long ‘to do’ list, particularly for couples who have children, as it can be difficult to find the time or even the energy for intimate moments.
“Taking this into account, setting aside a certain time or day in the week is not necessarily a bad idea, even though it doesn’t sound very romantic. Maybe it is time that we spend a little bit more to spice up our sex lives.”
The research, which took place in Britain, revealed that many couples fix days for sex and this usually happens on weekends when most of them don’t go to work. It noted that a third of Britons who are in a relationship are not satisfied with their sex lives, with almost a fifth of the respondents admitting that they even have to schedule sex with their partner and that sex in their relationship happens by appointment only.
“Britons in relationships have sex, on average, six times a month, and many think they are stuck in a rut when it comes to sex, with 17 per cent of all respondents admitting to scheduling sex, with routine times and days of the week appointed to ‘keep the spark alive,’” the report says.
Of the respondents, 53 per cent said they are satisfied with their sex life, as against 32 per cent who are not satisfied, while the remaining 15 per cent were unsure.
The reasons given by those who are not satisfied varies. About 84 per cent said their sex life was boring, while others gave reasons such as, not having sex often enough, their partners not good in bed, the relationship lacking passion and that their sex was too predictable.
In a bid to improve their sex lives, 63 per cent said they had or would consider investing in their sex life, 19 per cent said no, while 18 per cent were unsure if they would spend money to improve their relationship.
The good news, however, is that, of those who had spent money in a bid to improve their sex lives by buying accessories such as films, sex toys, lingerie and erotic outfits, 59 per cent said such efforts had a positive effect on their bedroom activities.
True to the findings of the study, 36-year-old Mrs. Abegunde, told our correspondent that the sex life between her and her husband had almost become regimented and that it had indeed been boring. She explained that the only time they had sex was during weekends because of their work demands.
“During the week, we both leave the house early in the morning and come back late at night, so, usually, we are too tired to do anything intimate. Not even the early morning option could work because once we wake up, the next thing in our mind is how to avoid traffic, so we have unconsciously reserved sex for the weekends. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have it on week days, but personally, I don’t look forward to it and my husband barely has time for it,” she said.
But Mrs. Oluwafemi, a civil servant, said it depends on individuals and couples whether they have to schedule sex or not.
“For me and my husband, our bedroom is our talk point; so most of the time, our bedroom is lively. Even if we are in the house and there is need to talk, we still go to the bedroom,” she said.
Oluwafemi stated further that they do have sex, on the average, twice a week, and it could be more than that sometimes but that it depends generally on their mood. “There is nothing like scheduling sex, in fact when we got married, we had sex everyday for a long time, but now, we have it when we feel like and since we have our discussions in the bedroom, it is expected that one thing will always lead to the other, so we are having enough of it,” she added.
A consultant psychologist, Prof. Makanju Ayobami, said beyond the reasons provided in the study, couples’ sex life could go haywire if they were under stress and this could even lead to dissatisfaction in their sex life.
“Even if they don’t have enough work, boredom can also reduce the number of times couples have sex and lead to dissatisfaction sexually. It is not only about overworking oneself, it is the stress. Stress throws everything out of equilibrium, including sex life and other things that are physiological,” he said.
Ayobami noted that if there was no adequate communication between couples, it could lead to stress in the relationship. “Apart from stress from workplace, it could be from traffic or relationship with other friends.
“If couples are not happy with each other, of course there is stress in their lives, which can affect their sex life, unless they are such couples that can separate their sex life from other things that happen to them,” he added.
He identified other sources of dissatisfaction in sex between couples to include genetic factors, nutrition, drugs, etc. “If a man is experiencing a low level of testosterone, which is the male sex hormone, his libido will go down. Even things like nutrition, drugs, etc. There are some medicinal preparations that we take, for example, if you are taking drugs for pain, it brings the libido down most of the time because it works like a tranquiliser, which is not too good for the body.
“Also, if a person smokes marijuana and other substances of abuse to get high, if the substances are not available at a point in time, it can affect sex life, including too much alcohol,” he said.